It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think I won the penis lottery.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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