That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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