That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
