the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
