her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
