; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
