if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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