What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
