loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
