New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I supernannyed him into submission
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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