I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
