no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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