found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
