i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
