don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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