There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
