i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
