Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
