you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
