Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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