I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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