So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
