nutella sex= disaster
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
This is the high leading the old right now
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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