i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I can't put those talents on a resume
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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