Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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