dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
