She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
