The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I see more hoeing in ur future
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
