you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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