he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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