jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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