dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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