Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
