Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
