Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
