Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
