I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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