the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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