I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
