nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
