i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
