Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Fuck appropriateness.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
