Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
