You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
