ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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