I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
