dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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