I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
