I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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