im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
