Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
