I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
