i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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