I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
