can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
