i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
