Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My cat gives me a boner
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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