New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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