Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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