I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
