Why are handjobs necessary in class?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sarcasm needs its own font
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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