I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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