I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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