I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
