I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
