after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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