I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
