My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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