I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
