every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
